KeeperMom and KeeperSister flew out from Farmland for a 10-day fun-filled visit of hilarity.(KeeperDad stayed behind to take care of their herd of cats.) They got here on a Thursday evening and I immediately took them to Chipotle. KeeperSister had experienced Chipotle on previous visits, but this was my mother's first Chipotle Burrito of Deliciousness. She liked it, but she's a lightweight and could only finish half. HALF!
The next day was spent on some sightseeing, primarily the Zoo and the World War II memorial. We also had a kickass Thai meal, making sure KeeperSister got her fried-banana dessert. (I strongly suspect that this fried banana dessert at this particular restaurant is the main reason she visits.) On Saturday, we went to the horse track and I lost $9 on the ponies. NINE DOLLARS! I have never gone to watch horse racing nor have I bet on horse racing, so it was exciting, even when I was losing. Sunday was spent mostly relaxing. Tits McGee came over to meet the family and we had a nice wholesome afternoon browsing in antique stores and eating ice cream. (Although Tits choose to tell this story about this time she was drunk in a bar and this couple started hitting on her except she didn't know they were "swingers" until the chick tried to kiss her. Why, Tits, why would you tell that story to my MOM?)
On Monday, KeeperFam took their rental car and went on a side trip to Colonial Williamsburg, so I got to sleep in my own bed again. Because I am a Perfect Daughter, I gave up my bed to my mother and and because I am a Perfect Sister, I gave up my couch to my sister. Therefore I was sleeping on an inflatable mattress on the floor. (It made me think that age 34, I should totally have a house with an actual guest room and such, but no, I have a mild case of arrested development and still have not invested in real estate.) But I was back on the floor that following Thursday when they came back to mooch off me some more. I cooked them a LOVELY dinner that night (pork tenderloin, steamed carrots, roasted potatoes and onions, asparagus, and corn on the cob) and we watched the Apprentice finale, even though none of us watched it at all this season.
Then on Saturday, we collected Twizler for a road trip! to New York City. (The Twiz drove because I am a pussy about driving in NYC. Shut up!) KeeperMom wanted to see a show on Broadway, so we all went to see The Lion King. That show rocked my Old Navy Cargo shorts, and I will tell you that for free. Go see it, if you get a chance.
Sunday we drove home and a most curious thing occured. We stopped at one of the numerous rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike, and when I walked in, I noticed a most unpleasant odor. Some rest-stop employees were cleaning furiously in the area just in front of the women's rest room, and as I stepped around them I saw what appeared to be feces on the floor. But it couldn't be, right? WRONG-O DADDY-O. Apparently someone who was there just before us passed out and shit on the floor. REALLY AND TRULY! Isn't that just a kick-ass ending to a long visit with the family!?! Hell yeah! (But what I want to know is: how did the poo end up on the floor? I mean, presumably whomever it was had pants on, since the incident actually occured outside the rest room. Did he or she have the presence of mind to lower his or her pants before passing out and crapping? I want to know!)
So the next day KeeperMom and KeeperSister flew back to Farmland and now it's just me and Helen the Cat again. Helen misses her Grandma, but not so much her Autie KeeperSister, who trimmed her nails for me. Much needed! Now, when Helen tries to sharpen her claws on the mattress or the couch, her paws just slid off ineffectively and I just laugh and laugh at her frustration. I better be careful though, because those motherfuckers will grow back eventually, and I value the flesh on my shins.
(Speaking of shins, go listen to The Shins. Most awesome, indeed.)
So if you didn't get a postcard from any member of the Keeper Family these past few weeks, don't feel too bad. Because we were kicking ass and chewing gum, and trust me, we were all out of gum. BOOYAH!
