It was early on a Tuesday afternoon when the Credit Card Company called me at work to tell me about some "suspicious" charges on my account. The guy I talked to (Alan or Allan or maybe Allen) was very nice when I panicked and calmly suggested that I might want to cancel the card and then told me what to do to begin "disputing" the charges. I was freaked out. When I got home that night I called and told the first person who answered, "I want to get some unauthorized charges off my account."
She said "I can connect you with our Disputes Department."
I said, "Fine," but I was thinking, "In this case, 'disputes' better mean, 'get this charge the fuck off my card.'"
So someone in disputes picked up and told me that the charges were still "pending" and to call back at the end of the week, because they should have "posted" by then. Okay.
So I wasn't too freaked out by this point. The card was cancelled and I knew what to do to fix it and as long as I was making payments on the legitimate balance, no problem. I had time to work this out.
I went on about my week.
Then on Thursday, I logged into my checking account to check a few things. This is the account attached to my check card (duh) so I wanted to make sure I had everything written down correctly in my check book. And that's when I really lost my shit, because I noticed three rather large charges from places in Montreal which is a place I have never been to. I freaked out some more. I dug out the number to call and cancelled that card as well. And then I called people and freaked out some more. Then I wrote this, and then I went to bed and barely slept and had bad dreams.
The next morning I went directly to my bank and waited, worrying that they would think I was lying, for a Customer Service Representative. And that's were I met Awesome Lady from My Bank. Awesome Lady took me back to her desk and after I told her what happened, immediately got to work. She logged into my account so I could show her what charges weren't mind. (And this point I saw that, overnight, more charges had posted, and had another cardiac episode.) She started the paperwork and explained all the forms I had to fill out. I had to fill out a form for each unauthorized charge (17! 17! charges), but she ended up filling out most of them, while I sat with my head in my hands, leaning on her desk, trying not to hypervenilate.
She told me, "We will issue you a new check card today, you won't leave here without it."
I said, "Great, it can pay for the heart attack."
She laughed.
Good to know I can still make people laugh even after watching my checking account drain slowly away.
She added it all up and offered to not tell me the total, probably because she thought I was thisclose to a breakdown. I told her I wanted to know and she told me and we both felt sick together. A bonding moment.
Awesome Lady got all my paperwork sent right away to the Guy Who Fixes These Things and got my new card all fixed up and asked if there was anything else she could do for me. I wanted to hug her, but settled for telling her how Awesome She Was. She seemed embarrassed.
I still need to write a letter to the President of the Bank to tell him or her what an awesome employee Awesome Lady is and how they should give her a big raise and a vacation for helping me not lose my shit. Both emotionally and financially.
I called that night regarding my credit card and they said they are "sending the paperwork" so I am waiting for that. And I am waiting for the bank to officially fix those 17! charges, but in the meantime, they have given me provisional credit, so I was able to do those frivilous things like pay my rent and buy cat food for Helen.
So that's where things stand now. Thanks for your emails and comments, and if you happen to be someone who I called that week saying "Card! Number! Gone! Money! Account! Empty! Fuck! Breathe! Flames! On the side of my face! breathing! breathless! heaving breaths!" then extra special thanks to you for not hanging up.
I'm a victim of identity theft. HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?
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